1. The Grand Eclectic Pornocomedy: Chapter 1


    Date: 2/17/2016, Categories: Fiction, Author: Cunnidingus, Rating: 65, Source: sexstories.com

    Suddenly I realize that she doesn't seem to be dressed for this weather, because it's fucking cold outside. "Come in, it's fucking cold outside." She enters my home and all I can think about is how I want to enter her. I invite her to sit on my couch and, being a horrible flirt, I ask her, "Do you like macaroni?" "Yeah, actually, I love it." "Are you hungry?" "I could eat." "Cool, well I guess I'll go make a pot then." I prepare the macaroni as she sits in the kitchen with me, making conversation. We talk about horror movies and stuff. She says that she really likes them but can't watch them alone. I tell her that that's fine because I love watching movies with people. She giggles even though I wasn't trying to be funny, whatever. I give her a bowl of macaroni and ask her, "Have you seen Phantasm? We could watch that. It's really good." "Actually I came over because I wanted you to fuck me." I shove the biggest possible spoonful of macaroni into my mouth so I can buy time to think of a response. The thing is, macaroni is already fairly soft, therefore I can't chew it for very long before it becomes gross, so I swallow it and say, "Oh. We could do that too, I guess. If you're being serious." "I am." "Well where do you want to do it? I'd rather not mess up my sheets, and to straight-up do it on a plain mattress is just kinda sad, y'know?" "Yeah I feel you. I guess we could use that couch." "Should we lay a towel down or something?" "Yeah, probably. Good thinking." I lay a ...
    towel down on the couch and sit down on it. Then I think for a minute about how it would sound, being just sex noises. I don't like that idea, so I think of what would be appropriate background noise. Music seems to be the first logical choice, but I hate music in porn, honestly. My dog that I don't have says to put the news on, and I actually like that idea, so I turn on HLN and tell him to go outside because I'm about to fuck this girl and I can't do it if he's watching. Even though I don't have a dog, he's still the realest nigga I know, so he goes out to the backyard. At this point, the girl comes back out of the bathroom, even though I didn't notice when she went in. Completely naked, she sits on the other end of the towel. She watches the news for a minute and then looks at me looking at her and smiles. "Are you just gonna stare?" "Um... Uh..." I reach out and cup a boob in my hand. She laughs. I squish it and kinda play with it. It's warm and soft and awesome. I withdraw my hand and she undoes my belt, button and zipper, then she yanks my pants and underwear down and grabs my dick. She holds it for a second, possibly marveling at its averageness, then she lets go and adjusts her position so that she's straddling me, on her knees, with her boobs hanging in my face. I resist temptation for .5 seconds and then shove my face into them and their warmth. She slowly and gently lowers her weight onto me, sighing as I slide into her like I slide into a girl's DMs. I let out a yelp ...
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