1. the one time i get to be with a "10"...


    Date: 10/13/2015, Categories: Sex Humor, Author: myssterymann, Rating: 79, Source: xHamster

    everything you're about to read is true. names have been changed to protect the wicked, but this is a true, alcohol-fogged account of what really happened. believe as much or as little as you wish, but if you ever meet me i'll tell it exactly the same way because it really happened like this. somewhere around my 30th birthday i moved to milwaukee, wisconsin. prior to that i had lived nearly my entire life about 100 miles south, in chicago. the 3 years i spent in milwaukee were filled with adventures of all kinds, and some of them involved me meeting and fucking a lot of women. some of them were hot, some were sexy freaks, a couple were married or otherwise taken. but tanya was, and in my mind still is, the first "10" i ever fucked. it was also the worst sex i've ever had. i was still new to town when a coworker of mine, ray, took me out on a saturday night. we bar-hopped around a few places in "the hood" that were not quite safe but fun, and after i found myself several sheets to the wind, he thought we were ready to check out this place a little further out. it was a hip-hop club and i'm not too much into hip-hop, so i was mostly interested in finding the bar so i could have something to hold onto to keep me upright as i was past the point of no return. once inside i staggered and stumbled to it behind ray, got us a couple of beers and sipped slowly as he roamed the room looking for a cut buddy for the night. after getting reached over and around and spilled on a few times, ...
    i figured i'd better move around a little bit so as not to smell completely like a still if the cops pulled me over on the way home. i started to manouver my way over towards the dance floor, figuring my unsteady gait wouldn't look out of place to folks dancing, and there she was. the place was dimly lit and filled will all kinds of smoke, legal and i*****l. it was also crowded, probably a thousand people more or less. through the darkness and smoke and crowd, and with my advanced state of inebriation, i saw across the room one of the most beautiful women i've met before or since. there even seemed to be a light shining on her as the crowd parted ever so slightly so that i couldn't help but see her. it was like something out of a movie, only there were no violins or angelic voices singing, just a k**ney-rattling thudding bass. somehow the sea of people parted just enough for me to stagger through without ending up in a fistfight (or worse) for stepping on an expensive pair of shoes, and i made it over to her, most likely looking like a well-dressed hobo, ready to accost her for some spare change. amazingly enough, when i slurred out "hello there", she replied with a blushing smile and said "hi". i knew i had rapidly diminishing speech and motor skills, so i figured i needed to go with a bare-bones, cut-to-the-chase approach so i could get the rejection over before i fell over, because more than the bass was causing the room to move for me. i said, "hi, i'm myssterymann and i ...
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