1. Desolation


    Date: 11/28/2016, Categories: Cheating, Author: SITTING, Rating: 27, Source: LushStories

    Something hot. Something dangerous. Both. All at once, the feeling of being consumed but willingly, like being forced to go somewhere you secretly want to go. Helplessness. I stand at the cliff edge and my heart is hammering against my ribcage like it’ll jump out and abandon me just before I fall. Trent’s hand goes around my wrist, pulling me back. A big hand. It makes me feel small, incomplete, and almost childlike. I think of being back on the beach, another tourist blending into the crowd. It’s funny how much a change in company can change your life. The sun is hot. I can feel the sweat, everywhere. It should be one of those lazy, sunbathing days. Noon. I should be walking arm-in-arm with Mark, looking for a place to eat lunch. Seafood, or sandwiches. Something light and fresh. But Mark isn’t here. I feel like I don’t even know him. And he doesn’t know me either. This vacation was supposed to bring us closer together. It’s done the opposite. Being here, seeing the lifestyle, it’s only made me realise how much I’ve been missing out on. I want to abandon the rain and nine-to-five days and live here in paradise forever. But only good people can stay in paradise. And it goes without saying; I’m not good. I think of all the secrets in my past, those things that even my closest friends and family members don’t know. I wonder if everyone has such deep secrets. You can’t trust anyone with real secrets. A secret shared isn’t a secret anymore. I keep them inside, think about them ...
    only occasionally. I want to forget. I want the bad memories to fade like scars fade with time. Convention would have you believe that relationships are built on honesty. They hype it up so much, put it in the books, in the movies. They want you to think that if you don’t tell everything to someone, you’re betraying them. Bad guys always have a bunch of skeletons. But I don’t think very many relationships would survive if everybody was absolutely brutally honest about everything they’d ever done. Trent moves silently. He’s taken off his jacket and is rolling a cigarette. I feel weak for finding the simple, quick action attractive. I don’t even know what he’s smoking, but it must be strong. A normal cigarette won’t be enough for him. My mind flashes back to the two white lines on the water tank of the hotel toilet. Silver straw. He looked like he did it regularly. Not my thing. Not my scene. I don’t want to screw up my body even if it means my mind would have a companion. The wrong crowd. My parents warned me about the wrong crowd. One man isn’t a crowd though, is he? Besides, he does his thing, I do my thing. We’re only together for one reason. One reason. One simple, basic, natural reason. I don’t know why I even need guys like him. Maybe the thrill is addictive. Knowing I could get caught. But then, it’s not fair on Mark. It needs to be over with him. I need to tell him. More lies just mean more complication. Where were you? The sauna . But what if I forget? It’s so much ...
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