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What Were the Chances?

Date: 3/4/2016, Categories: Love Stories, Author: Jayne33, Rating: 21, Source: LushStories

more girls that wanted his attention. I was getting less and less of his. When I did get time alone with him and he wasn’t messaging someone else, it seemed that all he did was irritate me. What was once cute, now made my blood boil. Gone in my eyes was the mature, sophisticated man I’d once known. It felt to me that he had reverted back to his age and spending time with lots of young girls his own age had caused him to regress. That may not have been true, but that’s what it felt like to me. I got angry at myself. I shouldn’t let it hurt me like it did. He was doing what he was supposed to be doing. One day, I got so pissed off with myself that I vowed not to run after him and contacting him anymore. If he wanted me in his life then he would come to me. What followed was the longest two weeks of my life. I wanted to swap shifts to see him. I wanted to message him to say hi, but I didn’t. I just waited. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more disappointed in myself than the day I caved in and went into work early so I could see him. I had been weak and had gone back on a promise I’d made to myself. I was hoping it was worth the feeling a failure, but it wasn’t. October 1st 2014 I pulled him into the cellar and asked for a word. The weeks of built up emotion just came out in one fast paced wave, “I've been feeling really confused and conflicted recently. I haven't shared any of it with you, through fears of pushing you away, being a pain and hassle, but mainly through fear of ... hurting your feelings. Problem is in safe guarding your feeling mine keep getting hurt. I know it's my fault and fucked it all up by letting emotions get in the way. We were close once, so close that I called you a best friend, perhaps I was a little delusional and one-sided in that statement. I should have never taken it further than friendship in my mind. I've asked too much of you in the past and when you've understandably not lived up to that it’s hurt me. That's not your fault at all; it's all down to me…” He stopped me. “I really feel shit now, knowing how much I've let you down and how much I've hurt you. It's never what I've wanted, sweetie, and it pains me to know that it's what I've caused. I'm so sorry. This is not your fault, so don't keep blaming yourself. It's me. I'm a shit friend. I know I am and I can only apologise. Lately, I'm a shit to a lot of people. I know I've fucked up, sweetie. I know I don't deserve you and that I've probably ruined my chances of being your friend properly for good. I know I've upset you and it's really not what I ever wanted. Ever. It's frustrating to say that I can only apologise. I wish I could do more. I'll try in future, but I fear I'll fuck up again. I hope you can forgive me?” We just hugged for the longest time. I was hopeful that things would change after that. *** Even though we’d had the chat things didn’t really change and we continued to drift apart. I knew I was losing him and there wasn’t a fucking thing I could do about ...