1. Falling On My Ass Again


    Date: 1/15/2017, Categories: Fantasy & Sci-Fi, Author: agathinavestia, Rating: 4, Source: LushStories

    I was trying to get down a steep hillside instead of walking several miles around the ridge to get to the same destination, when I slipped and fell. Hard. I started sliding down the embankment and by the time I ended up at the bottom, my dress was up around my armpits and my ass felt like someone had spanked me with a porcupine. I hopped up quickly, no terrible harm done, no protruding bones, and started on my way again. "You there! Are you okay? That was a nasty fall!" I noticed the big human man at the same time he spoke. A stinking human. Oops! Elves aren't supposed to show ourselves to humans, apparently they believe they're the only intelligent beings on the planet. But, he saw me before I could hide. "Uh, I'm not an elf!" "I can see your pointy ears," he said. "And you're a little green person." He stepped closer and I almost ran away, but he wasn't a bad looking human and he didn't smell as bad as some others I'd met. "I've read about your kind; I always believed in you." "I'm not Santa Claus, you know," I said. "I exist whether you believe in me or not." I was playing it cool, looking for a way to get out of the situation, but still, I didn't want to lie to the guy and maybe scar him emotionally for life. Or something. Humans are generally very weak and whiny creatures and most seemed to rely on fairy tales to get them through their lives. "Okay, I'll give you that," he said. "You're not Santa Claus. Oh, actually you can help me with a little problem." "Oh, here it ...
    comes," I said. "It never fails. Every time one of you humans enters the woods it's all about ass-fucking an elf." I pointed at him and wagged my finger. "You look at way too much porn on the internet, mister! It's like you people go on elf quests, or something! Don't you guys have human women to ass-fuck?" He looked confused and shocked and I immediately realized I'd probably been wrong about his intentions. In fact, he seemed to be looking for a polite way to get away from me . The thought was crazy, a lowly human trying to get away from an elf. "Uh, all I wanted was your help getting out of the woods," he said. "I'm a bit lost and the GPS in my phone says I'm in Spain. But if you could just point..." Yep, I took about a thousand foot leap toward the wrong conclusion, there. "Oh," I said shyly. "Sorry. I'd be glad to show you the way out of the woods." He smiled and seemed relieved. "Great!" he said. He stepped closer and I could smell him. "Do elves have names? Mine is Steve." "Of course we have names," I said. "We're not savages; we're more cultured and refined than you humans are." That was another thing that really got on my tit: humans putting elves down just because we lived in the woods. I lived in a castle, for fuck's sake. I had a cell phone! I went shopping! "No offence," he said. Now I felt bad about treating him so badly and decided I should make an attempt to be friendly. Who knew, he might go back and get a gang to come out and attack us or something. He seemed ...
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