1. Hung Up


    Date: 8/19/2015, Categories: Masturbation, Author: SITTING, Rating: 21, Source: LushStories

    last moment and his eyes would smile, like he knew exactly what was going on in my head. There was something beautiful about the idea of being close to him and not just in a sexual way. I would have given anything to live my daily monotonous routine with him. Watching TV on the sofa, eating dinner, having a companion on my morning run. It felt necessary to be with someone, to be with a man, like a basic human instinct. I had fallen for guys before, boys at school, and other men that crossed my path but at that moment in my life, he outshone all of them. He was like this hybrid of all the best qualities any of them had ever had and all of it was intensified by the way he looked at me. This grown man, more than ten years older than me, this handsome beautiful exemplar of male flesh and muscle actually wanted me. It made me want to laugh and cry and scream all at the same time. But I didn’t. I did nothing. I just built him up to this ideal in my head, loving him without any evidence that he was the man I thought he was. And maybe he was. Maybe he was everything I’d ever dreamed of. I never found out though. By the time he moved away, I was still dreaming, still wide-eyed; not ready and not brave enough to risk rejection. And then he was gone, too soon but ten years would also have been too soon, simply because I’d never have had the courage. I couldn’t feel sorry for myself because I didn’t deserve it. I told myself he wasn’t worth it anyway. I concentrated on his tiny flaws, blowing them out of proportion so as to reassure myself that I hadn’t made a mistake. But secretly, I still thought the world of him and I guess even now, I find myself wishing I’d let down my defences and gone for it. But I guess we all have to make mistakes if only to learn from them. Maybe the end is where it begins, where I figure out how to get what I want. If only life was that simple.
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