1. Pure Obsession (Finn) - Chapter Five


    Date: 3/20/2017, Categories: Reluctance, Author: SITTING, Rating: 20, Source: LushStories

    of the bed I found the fantasy plans for our restaurant, that crazy, wishful dream that now seemed even further away than ever. And yet, as I sat there, looking through the sheets, at her sketchy little illustrations of the awnings and the signs, I couldn’t bring myself to throw it all away. It seemed like such a beautiful idea, and even with her gone, I still wanted it. I still wanted to have something that I could be proud of, that would bring other people happiness, something that would stop me looking back. But still, the insecurities plagued me. What made me think I could achieve something so big? Surely I needed more experience, more brains. But there was nothing holding me back. I didn’t want to work at the LBC anymore. I didn’t want to have to go in every day and feel the awkwardness and despair. I didn’t want to see Vincent. I didn’t want to see them happy together. I knew I was jealous, sick with jealousy in fact, and being around either of them wasn’t going to help. The next morning, I handed in my notice. I thought about getting a different job, maybe even getting a new qualification, but nothing appealed to me. I didn’t want to be a teacher or an engineer or have an office job. I wanted to do something I loved. I walked past the office blocks that lined the roads, seeing the workers with tired eyes and the fat CEO’s, and I couldn’t imagine myself there. I wanted something fulfilling. I walked past the ugly NCP garage where Alessandra and I had sat on that cold ...
    New Year’s night and I remembered her talking. “I’m so scared of being nothing. Everything I want is out of reach. I heard this quote once, Dennis Waitley. ‘You’ve got to have a dream, if you want to have a dream come true.’ And it makes sense, but my dreams aren’t coming true. Nothing’s going right.” It seemed like it had all happened just a few days ago, when in reality it had been months. She’d been so lost, and I’d taken advantage of it. I sighed, hoping that in some twisted way I’d given her life something useful. Some perspective or at least some hope. ‘You’ve got to have a dream, if you want to have a dream come true.’ It felt like déjà vu. I was on that road again, the road where I always ended up when I felt lost. I saw the sign for the first time. Queen Street. The empty shop felt like an old friend, still desolate, still unloved. Nobody wanted it. I looked through the window at the huge space inside, imagining it filled with tables and chairs, people sitting there eating, laughing, the atmosphere buzzing and lively. I stood back and saw the sign Alessandra had sketched, pride of place across the front of the building, people smoking beneath the awning that could be put up above the grand old doors. My mouth had gone dry and my heart was racing. I could make it. I could get the money. This could be something to bury myself in, not to forget about Alessandra but to appreciate her qualities, and to accept that while we weren’t destined to be together, she had at least ...
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